


Finding Family

by ronandhermy



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Gen, M/M, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-10
Updated: 2014-04-10
Packaged: 2018-01-18 20:16:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1441438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ronandhermy/pseuds/ronandhermy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ian finds a family in his darkest hours.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Finding Family

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thestarsarealight](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=thestarsarealight).



There are 31 cracks near the right corner of Mickey’s room. He knows because he’s counted them. Just 31 cracks in the plaster, some sinking down into the drywall, and Ian wonders if houses could breath would the cracks reveal rotting lungs. He feels rotten and hollow inside and he doesn’t know why. 

Well maybe he does, deep down, where he keeps the secrets he doesn’t even tell himself. He knows he lost the genetic gamble but it hurts too much to think about. _Just like Monica,_ Frank used to say.

_Just like Monica._

***

The meds Lip had given him to to perk him up made him feel numb. Sure he was up and eating and taking a shower but he felt like a robot. It almost felt worse than lying in bed and hearing Mickey ask him if he could get out of bed today.

But he swallowed Monica’s leftover pills and listened as Mickey explained he’d made an appointment for Ian down at the clinic. That they’d take care of this. 

And Ian’s numb mind couldn’t help but ask _where’s your family Ian? Don’t they want to fight for you?_

And Ian forced himself to remember _Mickey’s fighting for me._

***

The clinic is noisy and loud but Ian still finds himself leaning into Mickey, half asleep. When the overworked nurse finally calls for him Ian just wants to lay down and sleep for days. But Mickey forces him up and down the hallway and into the room where a doctor sits with Ian’s file of patchy medical history.

Mickey’s the one who actually answers the questions and Ian throws in some appropriate noises here and there. He’s so goddamn tired. And the sadness that had been holding is now starting to mount.

The doctor is looking at him very concerned with large brown eyes surrounded by wrinkles. She says they’ll need to see a specialist, she gives Mickey the referral, but writes a script for some sample pills to perk Ian up.

At this point, he’d settle for making it through more than half the day without wanting to curl up and never move again.

***

He’s on the last of the left over pills Lip gave him and his puking his guts out into the toilet. He can’t stop and it hurts and he wants to give up but his body still has more it has to purge. There is something truly sick about illness of the body overruling the illness of the mind in this moment. 

He can feel Mickey behind him and the wet cloth he places the back of his neck is like a small peak at heaven. He sags because he know Mickey will catch him. Has always caught him when it mattered most.

Ian heaves again.

***

The new meds work better than whatever shit Lip had given him. They don’t take him out of his head and he feels awake for the first time in a long time. The doc said the dosage may take some adjusting but Ian’s just grateful something’s working. 

Makes him feel less like Monica and more like Ian.

***

He is sitting on the floor in the bathroom without a shirt and Mickey is sitting on the ledge of the tub, holding an electric razor. Ian asked him to give him a buzzcut, like when he had been in full jarhead mode. 

Mickey was currently running his hands through the slightly long red hair, the strands contrasting with his black and white knuckles. Almost like rust and blood had gotten on him.

“You sure about this?” Mickey asked, patient as he stroked Ian’s hair.

“Yeah,” Ian said with a small happy sigh, a smile creeping on to his face as he closed his eyes and leaned back towards Mickey, “I’m sure.”

***

“Orange boy, your sister is at the door,” Svetlana called as she came into the dining area and took the baby from Mickey’s awkward hold. She had left whichever sister standing outside on the porch with the door shut in her face.

“Which one?” Ian asked as he scrambled the breakfast eggs.

“Older one with shit hair,” Svetlana replied, setting the baby down in his bassinet. 

“Ok,” Ian said and didn’t move.

Mickey just looked at Ian before taking a sip of his coffee and then asked, finally, “You gonna talk to her?”

Ian shrugged. “Maybe later,” he said in that way that meant probably not.

“Ok,” Mickey replied, before taking another sip of his coffee and standing up.

“Where you going?” Ian asked as Mickey headed for the front door.

“Don’t worry about it,” Mickey said, waving Ian’s words off, “I’ll take care of it tough guy.”

Time to vacate the porch.

***

“So how long are you going to fight with your family?” Mandy asked as she sat next to Ian on the couch and stole a swig of his beer. She gave him a shit eating smile so similar to her brother’s that Ian let it pass without comment.

“I’m not fighting,” Ian responded, confused, his forehead drawn into wrinkle mode.

Mandy rolled her eyes and said, “You haven’t talked to them in weeks and weeks.”

“Not true,” Ian replied, “I talked with Carl last week and Debbie two days ago. They really need better friends.”

“Ian, don’t try to bullshit me,” Mandy said, nudging Ian’s side with her foot. He squirmed from the unexpected tickles. “What about Fiona? Or Lip?”

Ian shrugged and asked instead, “Thought you didn’t like Fiona? And since when do you defend Lip?”

“I don’t like anyone who thinks they’re better than me, especially not some Gallagher skank,” Mandy replied, playing with Ian’s beer bottle, “But they’re your family. It’s just weird you’re not talking to them.”

Ian shrugged again, rolling his shoulders with a practiced air of nonchalance, “Didn’t talk to them for months when I was away. When I came back we didn’t really talk much and when, um,” Ian got quiet for a few moments because they both knew what he was referring to without words, his brain playing tricks on him in the worst ways, “well they weren’t exactly around now were they. Not like family.”

Mandy didn’t really know what to say to that but she wasn’t going to push the issue, instead she kneeled on the couch cushion and gave Ian a hug around his neck. No words were exchanged but Mandy fought off her tears because she thought the Gallaghers had it a bit more together than the rest of the families around here. Turns out they were just as fucked.

“Hey,” Ian said with a soothing grin, always seeking to comfort people who weren’t him, “I’ve got you and Mickey. Hell, even Svetlana and Nika count as family now.”

“We’re a pretty fucked up family,” Mandy laughed, her voice holding back her tears by sheer Milkovich will power.

“Yeah, what else you gonna get in this part of town,” Ian said with a jack-o-lantern grin. And this time, they both laughed.

***

Ian and Mickey were wrapped around each other and they both refused to move, except in an effort to get closer to their lover. It was comforting to have Mickey so close, so warm, so deliciously alive and his. Ian hid his grin in the juncture of Mickey’s neck.

One of Mickey’s hands was lazily tracing patterns into Ian’s back and it had Ian half-hard. But he didn’t want to move. Not yet. They could take there time now. They didn’t have to worry, didn’t have to rush. They just needed to be near one another.

“You’re my family Mick,” Ian breathed into Mickey’s ear, so full of happiness and contentment he felt he might burst.

And he could feel Mickey’s grin threatening to take over his face as he pushed closer to the red head. Because saying you were family was more than an “I love you.” It was a promise, an oath, that said love was only the flame that forged the links of protectiveness and loyalty that made up the chain of family. 

“I know,” Mickey breathed out happily, and Ian couldn’t stop smiling if he tried.


End file.
